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Say Something Good about Winter
January 10, 2014
8:08 pm
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leslee
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I meant no challenge to what you wrote, Gwen. It was beautiful. I would love to love. I've had to remind myself more than once that Jesus loves even the meanest people.

My life was perfect for fifteen years. That's more than a lot of people get. I also have enjoyed many Moody Blues concerts, which many people cannot do. (Think of people in Africa with 35-year lifespans.) I've seen Justin Hayward and soaked in his good vibes as he played inspirational music. Life is precious, but I lost my spark.

I just said 3 + 1 = 3. Right.

January 10, 2014
9:32 pm
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lunazure
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I enjoy your writing too, Gwen. I was playing with my favorite scarf today (it's blue and very soft) and thinking about what you said. Plan to crack out the knitting needles this weekend to create more. It's rainy, the Hawks are playing tomorrow, and I plan to camp in front of the telly and watch play off. Winter means football!!!!

Having a pay record can be complicated at tax time, even for a small employment situtation... good luck, leslee, glad it's you and not me. I also rejoice in your reunion with basic grooming equipment!

Gwen, leslee and I are very bad to do that "all different directions" thing on line. It's a form of humor and stress relief. Less is more should be my mantra, but it's not....

No one stalks me anymore, I'm too old. My last stalker was female and a professor, I squelched it rapidly as it was a professional thing.... eek. Bummer, she was a nice gal and would have made a lovely friend, but that sexual thing got in the way... no avoiding it, so I dropped her rapidly. Shudder.

I understand what your brother is going through. I'm very ashamed to say I snapped at a 1st grader the other day..... I feel bad bad bad, ashamed. I did nothing illegal, but the little s*** had been all over the place all day, and he (last act of the day) started shoving in line, it was dangerous. It was either really turn the evil eye on him and a very deep growl, or spank him... .I chose the evil eye. Having a stroke was a third option.... anyway I know I scared the little t*** but he had it coming. Bet he doesn't shove in line anymore. Tell your brother, we ALL do it... and maybe someone got the message.... it's ok to be human.

We love Justin stories.... I don't share all mine either (some would not be believed). Remember, lots of folks other that those POSTING are reading this. But yes it can feel good to share those stories.

Unconditional positive regard is a good thing... and it's hard to maintain at times. Jesus had the right idea.

January 11, 2014
7:24 pm
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leslee
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What do you mean, luna? I am dead serious. It's all about MEEEEEE!

Unlike you-all, I've dun shared all my Justin stories 'cuz there ain't none. He's my imaginary friend. I love to go to concerts and stare into his deep, blue eyes and pretend he's looking back. I know no greater joy. Then, there's that music thing, that is like his lyric about love "washing us clean."

Puppy is teaching me about love. Her and my master went back to hospital last night. As the EMT's took him away, she stared out the door. Then, she sat. She is willful and intent on keeping people off balance. Sitting is a sign of obedience and submission used only about four times in her life, no matter how many times she's been told to do so. So, she was sitting there as if to say, "I'm being nice, now can I have him back?"

Well, that was last night. Today, she is treating her loss aggressively. She normally sulks at my side, so I prefer not to put her on a leash. So, we went to Taco Bell, and she followed me out into the parking lot. Mind you, I'm an old lady and no match for her. I had to get in the car and start the engine to coax her back inside. Well, then, I gave her bits of food. It was the usual. She would lick them in my hand. I would give them to her, then, she'd stand on them. She got gunk all over the boss' canvas bag. OK. I'll take the blame for that one. But then, I tried to eat a brownie, and she snatched it out of my hand even though it was on the other side of the car. She normally sits nicely on her side of the car, but today she had to have her fluffy behind in my face and her head and paws all over the steering wheel and other controls. We got home, and she ran, barking like crazy, over to the landlord's and wouldn't stop barking until the cleaning lady arrived. Later, she had to bark so hard in the car, she lunged at the console and tripped my drink.

Ain't love grand?

Imaginary friends
Never turn you down
When all the others turn you away
They're around

It's my private pleasure
Midnight fantasy
Someone to share my
Wildest dreams with me

Imaginary friend
You're mine anytime
Imaginary friend, oh yeah

When ordinary friends
Don't feel what you feel
And real-life situations lose their thrill
Imagination's unreal

Imaginary friend, imaginary friend
You're mine anytime

Imaginary friends never disagree
They always care
They're always there when you need
Satisfaction guaranteed

Imaginary friend, imaginary friend
You're mine all the time
My imaginary friend
You're mine anytime

- Buddy Buie, Robert Nix, & Dean Daughtry

January 11, 2014
7:26 pm
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leslee
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Something good about winter: I love ice blue. I love blue clouds. I love aqua skies. But I hate what they imply.

January 11, 2014
7:38 pm
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Gwen
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Restocked my candle supply and worked miracles today with an ice chopper. Yup, freezing rain. This is what keeps us strong.
Ah, the old stink-eye. One of the most under-acknowledged forms of communication. Little boys! I remember going on a field trip once with my daughter's class that was supposed to be a nice walk in the woods. Most of the little boys immediately began searching for sticks and competing with each other over who had the biggest one. At that moment I was glad that I had a girl.
Babies and kids give me such joy though. I remember being a child and feeling like you had a bird inside of your heart that just wanted to sing and sing. I remember learning to read and feeling like a doorway to power and understanding had opened, and read everything that I saw, now privy to some great mystery. I can relate to kids. It's the grown-ups I can do without. It took a very wise person to point out to me recently that I did in fact need people. I just thought that we all worked so hard in order to get to a point where we could live without them. Right?
I try very hard to have, as you put it lunazure, unconditional positive regard. I don't think I judge people nearly as hard as some people do. God-forbid I become like one of those old church women that bitches on and on about every stupid thing. But I continue with my struggle to love humanity... and my struggle to have human love, to be loved for just the way I am. God, I miss Mr. Rogers.

January 11, 2014
7:58 pm
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Gwen
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Trust me, leslee, my Justin story is not that amazing, only to me.
I have a kitten, oops it is my daughter's kitten which will go with her when she leaves. There go two bright bits of joy from my life... anyway, this kitten is sometimes everything to me, just as she is, the little s***. Sloppy, stupid, she is joy.

January 11, 2014
8:05 pm
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leslee
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You're right. Thank you. I thought I was being funny, but now I see I was just bringing the tone of this board down and scaring good people away. If I can't say something nice, I ought not say anything at all; especially, here.

Thanks again.

January 11, 2014
8:24 pm
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Gwen
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I'm sorry that I insulted you. I didn't mean to. You may be every bit of who you are to me. I am not a board, and I am not a good person sometimes...
and thus ends yet another foray I have had in human communication.

January 11, 2014
9:50 pm
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lunazure
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Oh leslee please no drama.................. smile! I thought the dog snatching the brownie out of your hand was very funny. One of my dogs snatched a whole turkey once. Notice I didn't laugh when your drink spilled. Dogs get emotional yes, and you shouldn't take her out without a leash. Sorry the boss is back in the Big House. Never fun... keep us posted.

Gwen get another kitty. Many go without homes. I miss my kitty Moe very much, but I have a dog now, and he doesn't like cats.

Yes stink eye is something I have to be pretty irritated to use, but I know it's the best tool a teacher has. We laugh about what actors we have to be sometimes, giving a kid the stink eye while doing your grocery list with the other side of your brain. I still felt sorry for the little spud, but MAN he was a pill. I never know if I'm too mean, or not mean enough.

leslee was only goofing around. Don't leave Gwen and be a ghost... you seem cool enough. Cool

January 11, 2014
10:38 pm
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Gwen
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I had a female cat before this one who I loved desperately and she died young. Now I am friends with my daughter's female and I'm very sorry to lose her. You do know that I have unnatural attachments to things?
leslee I am stupid and sensitive and insensitive. I am as I've been called "sweet," which I think means that I am dumb and irritating. Plus, I don't know you well enough to understand all that you tell me right now. I want you to know that I can however try to relate to your feelings.

January 11, 2014
11:04 pm
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leslee
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So, that's why I had a nagging feeling to come back here. You guys are so great.

Gwen: I think you're psychic,as you are pulling words out of my mind. Whaddup wid that? You're cool. I have no feelings to hurt, and I think you're swell. Luna: You are one of the few people I know who can convert my syntactically-flawed jibberish into meaningful thoughts. My friend Carl told me I need to use emoticons so people won't misunderstand me. Here: CoolKissLaughSmileWink

Back when I was twenty-something, I was a lot like a lot of people on the board. I couldn't watch TV because it was too violent. Most books were too negative for me. In my younger years, I passed out at a black and white sketch in a First-Aid book, and at hearing a child screaming in the dentist's office. And oh, how I loved Moody Blues. And all the Moody Blues fans were these cool pen pals in England who were so polite and charming. I loved to write beautiful music and make beautiful clothing. I studied and shared physics, and my brain was always looking for ways to make the world better place.

Then, everything went bad. Friends became betrayers who tricked me into doing bad things to other friends. I tried to walk the middle ground. After about five years of litigation and seeing that stupidity can trump intelligence, lies vanquish truth, and such, I'm in a real, "Ask me if I care?" mood. As for the art, we learn the scientific method in school, only to find the real world does science by fallacy.

So, I'm fifty years old, and I still can't shake this humongous crush on a rock star. How seriously do you expect me to take myself? How many African children could I feed with what I've spent chasing Justin around the countryside?

So, let's say the leslee of twenty or thirty years ago was cruising the internet and she landed here and read what I"m posting. Eek! She wouldn't come back because it is dark and sardonic. She would drift off to some cheery red and white site, or maybe a place with calm, blue butterflies.

What you said, Gwen, got me to remembering my former self. I don't hate anybody, but I am full of anger and frustration. I come here to vent, but that's kind of like making people smell my dirty underwear, isn't it? I really do think I need to reframe my thoughts and return to those spiritual highs I used to have in my more creative years, a time when I wasn't so busy that love was something besides a cruel joke.

OK. That's a bit about me. Now, it's your turns, Gwen and luna.

But before I go back to reading the city's CAFR, I will say something nice: JUSTIN HAYWARD!

See? I CAN do it.

January 12, 2014
12:02 am
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Gwen
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I know. I have been betrayed by family even. Air away upon your dirty laundry. Remember leslee that there are lots of beautiful musician people, Do not limit yourself to the loveliest man this side of Kansas. I admit that when I was 7 or 8 and looked at his picture on the album covers, I really did think he was the loveliest man this side of Kansas. I still do.
The music is something I also think of because when I was young MB music really sort of scared me. There was a tremendous longing, aching, infinite beyond that I could feel inside of me when I heard it. Maybe it changed me or maybe I've always been strange, but here I have gravitated in my later years. I do love music so... what if it is a cruel joke? Music can kill me and I will willingly die. And that is my very best Greta Garbo, dahling.Wink

January 12, 2014
1:37 pm
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lunazure
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My goodness!!!

I was just thinking the other day about three dear friends who stopped speaking to me, writing me, whatever.... I don't know if I angered them.... or if I was just a throw away friend all along. One was a liberal and the other two very conservative. Ah. Now that I type this out...... I think all three were at extreme ends of the political/philosophical spectrum (I float in the middle). Maybe it was THEM and not me, who could not accept someone else as they were instead of how THEY wanted them to be. Their dogmas rejected me. Alas. Is a narrow box of thought and meaning all we have to look forward to???

Maybe we expect too much out of our friends, and our loved ones. My life isn't how I want it to be. People make me angry, frustrated, irritated. My first step in this realization was to step BACK from those relationships and wonder how important they were. The next step was to accept them as the ARE, not how I wish them to be.

Maybe the correct approach is to say "I've had a bad day" and on onward with life?

I sometimes find myself sucked into the beautiful "self" that Justin projects. What if he was bald and had really bad facial warts? Would the things he says and does and sings still be as attractive? What is Justin himself under the veneer? Keep telling yourself that. Mind you I like him too, as much as you guys.... but we should fall in love with the person, not the veneer.

Whatever Justin is putting out for us to enjoy (song, looks etc) is simply representative of some greater "good" behind him. He's just the messenger. Yes he's a nice guy but has the right to a real life too, outside of the Moodies. Alas. I keep reminding myself of all the OTHER great music I've found while researching the Moodies.

OK that's enough philosophy for one day.... things to do today.... later, and don't take stuff too seriously, it won't matter a hoot in 5 years!!! ;)

January 12, 2014
11:08 pm
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Gwen
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I have hesitated to write in this forum because I have been dissed before. As much as I tell myself it doesn't matter, it hurts when people say to me something like, "Gwen, you stupid moron" and further berate me because I may disagree a little with what they are saying. I mean, God I have enough stress in my life. Why ask for more?
I also understand better today that I have been ignorant in recognizing the stress that other people are going through. I am just so busy with my own...
Lunazure, I have realized recently too that as much as these guys are "rich rock stars" it must kind of suck when it gets hard to make those connections with people because of who you are.
leslee, I listened to a lot of old Steely Dan while I was doing some painting over the summer. There was one song "Kid Charlemagne" that I used to kind of take personally when I was younger. That stuff about "day-glo freaks" made me feel kind of mad, seeing as I did identify with the "hippie" generation. Re-hearing Steely Dan now I get them so much better than before. Here is a question to ponder: When we were young and so "open-minded" why was it so much more difficult to take a joke than it is today? I mean when I was twenty and would grouse about the way other people were treating me, an older guy I knew would tell me "f*** 'em if they can't take a joke." It has taken me all these years to finally understand what he was talking about. Yeah, Donald Fagan may just have something to say.

January 13, 2014
9:46 am
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leslee
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I wouldn't worry about the friends, luna. I am struggling enough to survive on consecutive 22-hour shifts. My hat goes off to all those single moms working three fulltime jobs, working on their master's degree, and serving on all kinds of boards and commissions, yet finding quality time to spend with their children. It is too much to ask me to even find my dirty laundry these days. And, for all my bragging, I managed to lose the deodorant somewhere.

I think I told you I still loved Justin when I somehow mistook a photo of BTO for one of the Moody Blues. I'm not saying the guys in BTO are ugly; just that they aren't as angelic as Justin. Gwen, I don't remember what Steve Marriott looked like, but I can assure you it wasn't as perfect as Justin. I hereby remove your qualifier.

I find it best to cope with concepts, issue by issue. As stupid as I am, I know it is fallacious to assume certain people embody perfection and all others are 100% wrong. That is, however, the box the opposition uses to discredit political arguments. The best response is John's response, "Don't answer lies."

I keep running into differences in intellectual and emotional knowledge. The emotional side of me knows, "love loves even when it hurts." The cerebral cortex can recite the phrase by rote, but something's missing. It isn't as if I haven't enjoyed enough love in this life - just going to one Moody Blues concert should provide a lifetime supply.

What I need is meaning in my life. I want to be creative and challenge myself doing something to help my fellowman. I don't want to sort socks at 2:30 a.m. And I definitely don't want to go back to playing corporate games. Inventors try to improve the human condition, but I am not sure they remove agony so much as they postpone it. I probably mentioned here before my great former boss' words from his deathbed about it probably being a good thing he never discovered his life's ambition: an alternative to jet propulsion; as people would only have used it to destroy each other.

I seek paradise, but any Utopia letting the likes of me in the doors is going to be a fake.

What were we talking about?

January 13, 2014
10:41 am
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lunazure
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"I don't want to belong to any country club which would have me as a member" --Groucho Marx

Check under the seat for the lost deodorant....

No other answers today, must dash to work AND school, but it's good to talk it out IMHO. You can't help me study 'cause it's ASL. Ya'all take care and be kind to yourselves.

IMHO stress and love both rely heavily on one's hormonal levels. I've concluded we're all victims to our personal chemistry. Alas. Confused

January 13, 2014
12:08 pm
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MagicalBlueTail
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Something good about winter--how about several good things...

its not hot and miserable.
it doesn't last forever-it comes and goes
the world becomes a beautiful place for admiring in its many parts

(I shouldn't be doing this right now--I'm living off silly goofy time for lack of sleep--Laugh)

xoxox
PXH

January 13, 2014
5:35 pm
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Gwen
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Everything is so messy today and the sun is shining into the dark corners where dirt has been accumulating.
Did I say the sun is shining? Aaaaaaahhhhh........warm.
What dirt?

January 14, 2014
12:36 am
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lunazure
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Winter is beautiful because the storm clouds blow in and out and wave around.......... look very lovely. So does the sea. It's a full moon tonight and you can almost read by it .... I wonder if winter is almost through, because I smelled jasmine on the wind this evening...

January 14, 2014
10:40 am
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leslee
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50-degree winter days aren't bad for walking the dog-pog.

Michigan skies are homogeneous in the winter. A little texture goes a long way toward mitigating the bleakness. I always thought it was cool the way those folks out west would ski in their shorts and sunglasses. The prospect to a lowlander was, at first, mysterious and ooky.

I never gave a second thought to the black snow at the roadsides until another expat mentioned it to me down here.

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