Here's another slice of the next review:

What are you doing here, Dufus? You can't even keep your eyes open. It's gonna take a miracle to get those articles filed, drive home, and get to work on time. Is it really worth it to drive to a show looking like a drowned swamp rat? Oh, great. The refraction is back in the contact lenses. I'm too tired to be happy. If the band can see me, they're probably wondering why I'm scowling, but, seriously, my face is frozen. I'm too tired to move it. Oh, look at Justin. He's so pretty-handsome. Why won't my hair do that? Listen to that voice! Owee! Ooh. He nailed every note on the guitar. Wait. Who's he flirting with? My face might be frozen, but it is totally green. Ooh. He just made eyes at her again. That's OK. She's probably gotten her beauty sleep. Wait. Did he just look at my half of the venue? I'M GONNA DIE! MOMMY! It's like falling in love all over again. Listen to those harmonies. How does anybody get such a handsome face. Yikes! He looked our way again. I wish I were awake enough for the full impact. Am I gonna have enough money to go to the other shows? Will there be enough data online to reconstruct the meeting before my deadline? WHOA! There's some perfect pitch again. And look how pretty-handsome. So kind, so lovely. I couldn't stay away. What am I gonna do for tomorrow's lesson? I'm toast. That sounds technically perfect. Maybe my face is frozen because it doesn't know how to be any happier.

Don't you think I should leave this to the experts?

I won't take the grins seriously, but I think Justin was mouthing messages from the stage. I'm not a lip reader, but the first time, it looked like he said, "Go and f*** off." The second, I think he said, "Insecticide."

So, here's a little from our latest episode of:

DUFUS GOES TO MOODIES CONCERTS

During the last traffic jam, I bargained with the Man upstairs ferociously to get me through this unbelievable traffic jam. Just when it appeared it would be impossible to make the venue on time, about an hour and a half of 4-5mph broke loose, and I made it. Well, I'd been kinda good keeping my promises, and so maybe that is why the last three concerts went off without a hitch.

Going to Atlanta, I couldn't find a good ticket at all. I went anyway, and for the first time in twenty years the highway wasn't a maelstrom, even though it was a Friday night. I wasn't going to spend more than $100 on a ticket. I checked at the box office, and they had a seat in Row X, which is behind rows 1-6 and A-W. I had the feeling this was going off like clockwork. I tried to chastise myself. I remembered getting a Row N ticket to my third show at Pine Knob as if that had been my first show, then I remembered sitting on the lawn the next time. I didn't think I'd see squat, but I couldn't get mad. I walked in the venue prepared to spend the first half of the show Vulture-Culturing my way forward. I gave the usher my ticket, and this dude walked up behind me and asked, "Are you alone?"

"YES!" I exclaimed, knowing the rest of the story. The dude went on to say it was my lucky day because he was going to go to the show with his sister-in-law, and she canceled for no reason at the last minute. He had a seat in the pit, Row D. I was so happy, I did what I do to people who give me great, free Moodies tickets. I kissed him. And so the poor dude had lipstick on his forehead for the show. That is not to discourage anybody from giving me their good seats for free. I promise to reform.

The show you can catch on video I suppose. The seat was nice, but Justin kept sending me signals that translated to, "Blow away, you flake." Okay. I get it, but I adore him just the same. At the end of "NIWS," I screamed so loud, I blacked out. I've never done that before. I've whited out, but never blacked out. I wondered if that had any indication about where I was headed should I die right now. Anyhoo, I blindly stumbled a bit, the brain reset, and it was really cool to see Justin when I came back. Then, I was a little disturbed at how the band has to beg for applause here and there. At one show, John was doing his schtick about the Isle of Wight and Jimi Hendryx. The crowd cheered at the appropriate places. Then, John added, "The Moody Blues." There was a dead silence, so I shouted out a very flat "yay" that sounded really stupid. I usually say I would not pay to see another band, but I was thinking I might want to go to a John Lodge concert, just to see what he looks like.

A funny from this show was the guy who gave me the ticket kept talking to me. I'm a geeky square, and I refuse to forsake my training to respect the performers. They have the floor. He was nice to give me the ticket and all, but the performers come first. Anyway, at one point he said, "Oh, that's a girl playing the saxophone. I thought it was a guy in a kilt."

Anyhoo, last night I had a good seat, and the people in the Money Pit seats were really nice. I sat there staring at Justin, all ragged from lack of sleep. (I was on vacation so I only worked 7 hours and drove another 6.) So yeah, there's this strung-out hag with hearts coming out of her head, silently pleading, "Oh, Justin! Look at me!" and Justin doing the, "Blow away, you flake," routine. I wouldn't have traded the experience for the world, though. The concerts are just so inspiring. You can catch the straight dope on Youtube, I suppose. I was lost in the acoustic alchemy, inspired by the harmonies, giddy at the sights. Justin used his brown guitar instead of the red one. The sound was choppier, but not in a bad way. It was as if the guitar was not as broken-in, but the other guitars had the same distinctive attack as opposed to the usual smoothness.

The funniest thing was after the show as we filed out. Some dude came running out of the woods. He may have been searching for the band or taking a leak. I dunno. As he approached the sidewalk, he ran into an unexpected thicket and shouted, "AAARRGH!" That was not what was funny. What was, was a girl exclaimed, "A tiger!"

Worst parts of the tour so far: traffic; "SIWL" that time when it sounded like they were performing in four different keys; "IJASIARARB" last night when the the parts were, shall we say, phase-shifted; and coming back home.

Best parts of the tour so far: the general vibe; "Driftwood; "NIWS;" and Justin's pretty, pretty eyes.

lunazure said

Tiger Tiger burning bright in the forests of the night................................................ PWWWHWHWH

Red is gray, and yellow white.

I felt bad after I wrote what I did last night. I didn't mean Justin was some kind of heel being rude to fans. I had more in mind, "What do you expect from a doof like me." Justin's super-nice and princely divine and all that, regardless of how that came out. And no, I don't think Julie looks like a guy in a kilt, either. That is what was so funny about it. Oh, it is best to leave the reviews to the experts.

It's colding again in this-har part of tarnation.