WHAT? I'm fifty-one, never married, and you call me a polygamist?????????? To get all baby whiny, the LDS church quit polygamy when the US outlawed it. Read all about it here:

https://www.lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/od/1?lang=eng

in the manifesto published by Wilford Woodruff, president of the church at the time. The manifesto is now considered scripture and included in the D&C with other latter-day revelations. Any Mormon practicing polygamy who refuses to abide by the law of the land and the counsel of church leaders is excommunicated regardless of what sensationalist TV documentaries and pulp wow magazines may say.

I hate denying false accusations, because nobody believes what I say. Remember? I'm too far gone for clinical material, so why do you continue to make a study of my behavior, I mean, I think that's what you're doing.

Anyway, to answer your implicit question, Justin is already taken.

I worship the true and living God. I was created by Him for grand purposes I do not fully grasp. We meet as a church to help each other keep the faith and the eternal perspective. Although Jesus, as the Son of God, implored us to give all the glory to His Father, I can't comprehend the love he had for us to suffer as he did so we could return to Our Father's presence. I've never seen God or Jesus in this life, but the Holy Ghost has worked wonders turning me around and guiding me right by bearing witness of the truth. Pragmatic decisions to get widows with ten children across the wilderness to avoid further religious persecution in no way usurped the First Commandment given to Moses. That said, I do not live up to my privileges, constantly being tempted by dorky little lures, laziness, and fear of responsibility.

Now, we get to the root of my psychosis. It is not unusual for somebody to read a paragraph in a conspiracy theory magazine and then attempt to save me because I am in a cult. There is the perception out there that, even though we are supposed to attend church for three hours a week, read the scriptures daily, pray daily, and stay worthy of the promptings of the Holy Ghost; I am blind to the fact that I really don't know what I worship. It goes like this: When Mormons read the Bible they replace "Jesus" with "Satan" and "love" with "hate" and a whole host of other opposites - except when paired. Then, we only apply one reversal. So, if we sing, "Jesus loves the children," we are really thinking, "Satan loves the children," or "Jesus hates the children." Yes, I am very retarded, and I haven't been able to grasp what is in my own heart after fifty years.

But, I have been in the secret chambers of the Mormon churches, and I shall risk all by telling you what I've found: folding tables, folding chairs, table cloths, silk flowers, basketballs, . . . The bottom line is, if you feel in your heart of hearts that I worship polygamy, it is for you to pursue that path. It's OK if you want to take me down, but please consider others who might be going along for the ride.

I found out earlier this week that I was married. Somebody looking for me on white pages dot com discovered from an ad for ancestry dot com that there was one marriage record for me. I wrote ancestry a nasty note saying I was interested in learning who my husband was, but I did not want to have to subscribe to their product to find out. They kindly replied, which was a surprise, but said I had to respond using facebook messenger, and I didn't want to have to sign up/register/whatever to do that. So, I'd ask y'all to send me my belated wedding presents, except the post office still can't find out how to deliver my mail.

Who am I, anyway?

Note: I was trying to be hip by not capitalizing proper nouns. I also discovered all the hip people the last couple of weeks end sentences with another sentence: Fail. And, if you listen to Faux News, the noun that must occur in every sentence last week was, "reveal."

LDS is high on free agency, a point of doctrine Mr. Stalker is having problems grasping, to the point that a major tenet, I dare say, is to CHOOSE the right. People teach time and again that the marriage decision is a two-way street. One may feel they have a "revelation" to marry somebody, but it ain't so unless the other party gets the same revelation - and even then it could be mistaken lust or something they ate for dinner. I try so hard not to let him "live rent-free in my mind;" but every time he shows up, I have another meltdown and feel obligated to burst a few more capillaries in my brain. (Don't try this at home, kids.)

I spent a few days one time learning about my church from the Google rather than from materials published by the church, and of course sacred writ. I think I'm still trying to recover. There is a lot of weird stuff out there, and I'm used to the weird accusations. Families do get sealed for time and eternity, which goes beyond the "until death do you part" from a temporal marriage. As you suggest, Mr. Stalker could have pulled something like this. It creeped me out when the post office, which still can't deliver my mail, sent me a confirmation for "The [insert my last name] Family." I didn't know if that was SOP or if - You know the rest of the story.

As for the dishes, thanks but no. I still eat mostly from gas stations.

The life of a caregiver can be very weird. I had to learn to roll with the punches. The alternative was dying of a stroke. Besides, whenever I think it's time to move on, which I frequently do, I look at the rat race with all its corporate lies and count my many blessings to have the job I do.

To rephrase what I said, according to LDS doctrine, a war in heaven was fought. Satan wanted to compel everybody to be good. Jesus, knowing love was the most powerful force in creation and surely the raison d'etre for all of us, wanted to leave us to our own devices. If we could find it in our way to love God and our neighbor, he would make up the difference; because mercy can't rob justice, no unclean thing can enter the Kingdom, and all that. So, wow. With a gift of love like that already paid, how can we say no?

Well, the man in red spandex took 1/3 of the host of heaven and, out of theatre or spite, tries to make us do stupid things. He puts weird ideas in our minds, through friends, impulse, or whatever, and keeps at it until he wears away at us. Life is a chance for us to gain character, by making right choices, which anybody who knows anything about me would swear I know nothing about. Anyhoo. he, who would compel us is laboring in evil. He who is patient, long-suffering, and all that is following the teachings of the New Testament. We can only control ourselves - to try more is to become the subject of a scary made-for-TV movie scored with slow, low-frequency orchestration with screeching accents.

People can do LDS temple ordinances for others provided said others are dead. Secondly, those for whom work is done make the final call. If you've passed on and you're happy in your situation, you are free to reject the work. If you have a borderline pathological liar claiming to own you - there's no telling what kind of work has been done for you, but you will have the final say. Genealogy is riddled with errors by enthusiasts who haven't learned to weigh and consider. I'm sure you've come across the people who were married when three years old or somehow linked merely because they had the same name.

When I was young, I was so uptight. Life was like the math tests I took, and everything had to be done 100%. Now, I can't get my mail, can't get my checks deposited, can't get fast food in less than 26 minutes, can't get employers to pay me, can't get my car registered - when something goes right, I am truly amazed.

Shucks! Thanks. Maybe I should stick with theology. It is so much nicer than government.

I usually cure colds with pH and/or temperature. But then, I'm weird in that I love extremely hot temperatures (90-110oF, not 365oF).

Bless you, my dear. I was going to, but I'm too depressed to revive conversations. I leave the hard work to you.

Thank you.

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