Are you trying to break the boss' computer?

Of course my life is empty! I know Justin cannot possibly look at me, but I had the strangest impression he was staring daggers at me when he sang "empty streets" at every single show I attended. I almost wanted to get it tattoed on my forehead. Or maybe he thought I looked like Merrill T. Streep. Yeah, that's the ticket.

I don't get it, Bonnie. I'm afraid it might be a period telling me to hush, but until I get a definite translation, I will continue to be a classless jerk.

Tonight, I ran into my first snappy spiderweb of the year. On the bright side, the grass was still warm after dark, and the fireflies sparkled high in a tall tree.

Let the alchemy begin!

I liked the vid. I could watch that kind of TV all day.

I am not worthy to be an alchemist. I'm going crazy with the TV blaring to drown out the dog, who is deafening to begin with. What better to destroy the hearing than violent movies. I am not a happy camper. The highlight of the day was plunging the toilet, which only gets stopped up every other day because the boss insists flushing paper towels has nothing to do with it. Maybe I'll get home early enough to wash the poop off, maybe not. I don't have to stand next to Justin, anyway.

I long to be free, but I don't know how.

Everybody has their own cure for barking, nobody agrees, and nothing works. I get the part about consistency, too. I'll try this one, though.

There is no crime if there is no victim. Please do not mistake the flaunting of my absurdity for whiny pleas for codependency.

MOMMY!

What were we talking about?

Oh, hi again, oze.

Why am I still sick, Doctor? You and twenty others have been working on me for years.

They aren't. When I go off on a spiritual high, I neglect people. When I do what seems kind, I hurt others. Ayn Rand taught the virtue of selfishness. I agree with her, but when my rational self-interest is doing no harm, it kind of backfires. I don't really want or need anything for myself, so I try to ease the pain of those who feel they need stuff. The world tells me, even from religions channels, that I must create, contribute, innovate, etc., but Jesus just walked around doing good. That's the part I mess up all the time.

The virtues of my childhood are now portrayed as having a footprint. People, we are told, are not supposed to leave a footprint, but be like stones, sitting silently until they return to dust. So what is this brain thing for, anyway?

I don't let my feelings get hurt, but that is because I'm sociopathic, without feelings. So, I try to imagine the pain of perceived threats people endure. It's the same with the welfare people here. Their fridges are stuffed to the max and they whine that the people living hand-to-mouth must be taxed more so they may have more food. Want is not directly proportional to need.

What I am learning is that everybody is confused. That is part of the human recipe: water + carbon complexes + . . . + a lot of confusion. Most of us have five senses that work real well, but we don't have the wherewithal to understand the intentions of others. Unless we're tapped into something religious, we're left at guessing. Courts, detectives, and historians can all be wrong. People lie. People reason imperfectly. If somebody does something weird, my hot head might be ignited for an hour before I remember they're just as confused as I am, and if I were in their head what they said or did would make perfect sense. Jesus loves them and tells me to love and forgive.

Graeme wrote a song entitled, "After You Came." One of the lyrics goes, "So you just have to laugh." I think I'll try to find it on YouTube.